Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying? 
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying? 
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile. . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .

You may want to listen Nat King Cole singing this song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN8oLGBNXpE

(Picture taken in Luoping,  China March this year, after climbing up 1,000 steps to the Smiling Buddha statue. This post is specially dedicated to my brothers and sister. . . . . please SMILE )

Weekly Photo Challenge: Mine (1)

My place is a little corner on a rocky shore where I can watch the tide coming in and out; the waves crushing in and dissipate; the sun sets and promises that there will be a new day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Early Retirement = Early Death?

There are conflicting research results on whether early retirement is a cause for early deaths.

1. On one hand, there are researches which show that one additional year of early retirement causes an increase in the risk of premature death of 2.4 percentage points or 1.8 months in terms of years of life lost.

A study by Shell, which followed their workers for 26 years, suggested that survival for those who retire at 65 are greater. “ Survival rates remained significantly greater for those who retired at age 65 compared with those who retired at age 55,” the researchers wrote. Many people underestimate the importance of their job when they give it up.

2. On the other hand, Dr. Sing Lin in his paper “Optimum Strategies for Creativity and Longevity” dated 2002 pointed to an opposite direction. One of his conclusions is that ” if you are not able to get out of the pressure-cooker or the high-speed battleground at the age of 55 and “have” to keep on working very hard until the age of 65 or older before your retirement, then you probably will die within 18 months of retirement. By working very hard in the pressure cooker for 10 more years beyond the age of 55, you give up at least 20 years of your life span on average.”

See his paper  on link : http://faculty.kfupm.edu.sa/COE/gutub/English_Misc/Retire1.htm

From his actuarial study of the age at retirement vs life span done at Lockheed Martin and at Boeing, he came up with the following paired results of Age at Retirement /Average Age At Death:

49.9/86,   51.2 /85.3,   52.5 /84.6,   53.8 /83.9,    55.1 /83.2,   56.4 /82.5,   57.2 /81.4,   58.3 /80,    59.2 /78.5,   60.1 /76.8,   61 /74.5,   62.1 /71.8,   63.1 /69.3,   64.1 /67.9,   65.2 /66.8

For instance, if you retire at age 49.9, his results show that you may live to 86, whereas, if you retire at age 65.2, you may only have  1.6 years to live and die at 66.8. In Boeing’s numbers, employees retiring at 65 typically received their pension checks for only 18 months (at Lockheed, 17 months).

So, what should one believe?

The Boeing / Lockheed Martin studies did not indicate how big the population looked at and whether they were statistically significant for other types of employment where there are lower work stresses. Whereas, the Shell study may have been influenced by the relatively poor state of health of their staff who (were forced to ) retire early because of their poor health.

As reported in a Telegraph article, “Those forced into early retirement generally have poorer mental health than those who take routine retirement, who in turn have poorer mental health than those who have taken voluntary early retirement” and “Early retirement is generally good for people’s health and well being unless it has been forced on them.”

“We tend to build our lives around our work,” an expert Milner said. “When we are no longer working, we can lapse into lack of activity, and that can contribute to bad health.”

So, let’s look at the plus and minus sides of retirement:

On retirement- there is a reduction of job related stress that leads to increased blood pressure and other bad habits that come with many jobs. However, for some, there may be an increase of stress due to worries about not having enough money for the retirement or the lack of identity and purpose of life.

Pre-retirement -  complaining about one’s career and the management might have cost one a decade of life, not to mention perhaps several decades of living. However, for some people, work gives them a sense of purpose and for the rare few, the only purpose in life.

The crucial question is whether you are able to structure your retirement life such that there are more positive benefits than negative impacts.

“To be healthy, retirement must be active“, Milner said. In his experience, he said, “retired people who plunged into new activities enjoyed their lives more, and were thus healthier. One study showed “that older adults who volunteer to help others can reduce their risk of dying prematurely by 60 percent,” he said.

So, while generally a reduction in work related stress is conducive to longer living, in our retirement we must not let ourselves  lapse into lack of activity but to remain physically, mentally and socially active. For those who regard work as the only purpose in life and have no activities outside work,  continue working may be better off as they have already achieved their purpose.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing” – George Bernard Shaw

The Sun also sets in Koh Samui – Watching Sunset and Clouds

While we were fascinated with the sunset at Langkawai, Malaysia, we were also stunned by the sunset and the low hanging  clouds at Koh Samui, Thailand. The island offers magical skies, breathtaking sunsets and the perfect backdrop that presents an unforgettable experience.

There is no better way than starting a day sitting quietly by the beach while having your morning cup of coffee or tea.

Our crave for beaches is just insatiable. When coming to decide where to go for our vacation, we have always yielded to the 3S formula (Sun+Sand+Sea =Happiness). One of our pleasures is watching the sun set every evening from various beaches. It is the interplay of colors, tones, different configuration of clouds and the sun that never failed to amaze us. On this beach, we were at peace to see birds hopping among the rounded rocks and people waded out to the water as far as you can stretch your eyes.

Life has always been mysterious, full of unexpected twists and turns. The tonality of the beach today seems to be predominantly in blue. So blue, blue, my world is blue.  Like the clouds, they are always changing in pattern, color and tonality. However, for each cloud, there is always a silver lining.

Like Joni Mitchell, we looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down and still somehow, it’s cloud illusion we recalled. We really don’t know clouds at all. . . . .

Watching clouds is one of our pleasures. We take pictures of it, knowing they will never capture a fraction of what we are feeling, or seeing, and that friends will just eventually flip through the photos in a stack (“Sunset… sunset… sunset…”). But to be in this place, being part of the nature, with  glistening water and quiet beach in front of us, and  brilliant sunsets , it is pure heaven.

The storm clouds signifies that we will have rain tonight. It rained heavily and, in the midst of storm and thunder, the electricity in our hotel room was suddenly gone. So for a couple of hours, we were left in complete darkness.

The heavy rain has finally gone. We have started a new day, the wheels of time just roll on. There will be another day, another sunset in Koh Samui. . . . . . . . . . . . . . the world just keep on turning . . . .

Chasing the Sunset at Langkawi

For several days, we enjoyed the sun, sand and sea at Langkawi, the island of beautiful sunsets in Malaysia.

On our last day in Langkawi, we were wondering whether we should be having an early dinner; but the sun was setting and it was so lovely. We quickly changed our plan and took a stroll on the board walk fronting the shore, not knowing where this was leading to.

We walked up and down the rocky shores. Amazed at the beauty and serenity of the place, we couldn’t help walking further and further along the shore; in search of even better views.

What a joy it was if we could just take a pause in our life, doing nothing. . . . . .  not thinking of anything ( different from thinking of nothing), meditating like the man in the picture.

All our lives, we have been chasing; chasing buses, chasing jobs, chasing clients; sometimes we were just chasing our own tails;  many times not knowing why we chase for  those things at all.

Are we destined only to chase in this rat race? There must be much better things to do; liking chasing sunset or chasing rainbows.

Some feel sad about sunset as if it were the end of a day, an end of a life journey. But sunset only signifies the beginning of yet another day, perhaps another phase of life.

The sun finally sank below the horizon.

We knew that this was the best part of our trip and this moment was one of the best and memorable parts of our lives.

Retirement – The Psychological Journey

Retirement is a solo journey. This is a period of  personal transformation, requiring a  psychological re-orientation.

It is a psychological journey with feelings not unlike those experienced in marriage and divorce.

On the big day of the retirement party, all you may remember are smiles, handshakes and good wishes as colleagues see you off. So, you are off to your honeymoon.

For the first time in life, you experienced total freedom. You are in the G0-Go stage. This is  a period when retirees get to do all the things that they wanted to do once they stopped working.

However, honeymoon cannot last forever! When it is over, the newlyweds will need to get down to the nitty-gritty of life, the business of living. Many retirees will find that they will have to deal with a feeling of let down. After all, retirement isn’t a permanent vacation; it also can bring loneliness, boredom, feelings of uselessness and disillusionment. You find yourself in a black hole and there is no compass to guide you.

Retirement involves discontinuing one’s identity and establishing a new one. The process can be painful. Who you are and how you define yourself in the last few decades will be forever changed at the point of retirement. The simple acts of changing your e-mail address, and returning your keys, computer and staff cards, registering yourself as retired members of professional societies could also be emotional moments. You are, in effect, wiping out your “being,” as a professional. It’s peeling off an identity. . . .  from an industry, a firm, or a personal work history . . . .  and entering a completely new chapter in life. Retirement is also a loss of routine; until a new routine is established.

In a way, retirement is like a divorce and breaking up is hard to do. There are very real emotional challenges in letting go of a career or work habits and  to accept that the relationships with your former colleagues and indeed, with you own self, have forever changed and the organization you worked for just moves on . . . . . the world still keep on turning, with or without you!

New and satisfying  answers to the identity questions must be found if the retiree is to satisfactorily close the chapter of work life. New purpose in life has to be defined. New and enjoyable life styles are to be established to replace the routine when the retiree is at work. There is no right way to retire. Retired colleagues I know of all seem to have finally found their way of coming to a new routine in life. The main key is to let go and move on. Of course, there are  some fairly key life changes and adjustments to make. It will take a while to get accustomed to a new life.

Finally, a new routine evolved. You do not have to go after things but things comes after you and the new landscape becomes familiar territory. You develop a new relationship with time and embrace every moment of it. You value the variable of meandering a bit in any given day, week, or month.  You are always making new plans, cultivating opportunities and exploring options . You continue to update these plans, recognizing that doing so is an important part of retirement. You are now happy that you have survived a divorce. . . . . . . .  you have successfully crossed the bridge from the world of  work to retirement!

Now is the time that you are free for authoring a new chapter of life that features the best you ‘ve ever been.

PS  Photo above shows suspension bridge crossing Bosphorous strait from Europe to Asia.

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The Joy (and Jokes) of Retirement

The only reason for my retirement was because of health reasons – I was sick of my company and my company was sick of me. I knew if I was the last one to laugh at my boss’s joke, then I would not be too far from retirement. The best time to start thinking my retirement was before the boss does.

Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work. I told myself there’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit – retire!

So one day, I returned  from work day and said to my wife, “Hi, Honey, I”m home – forever.”  From that moment on, I knew I switched bosses – from the one who hired me to the one who married me.  It turned out that my wife was happy because she knew that when a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband although receiving only half the income; knowing that if you have the time, you won’t have the money. If you have the money, you won’t have the time. The question isn’t at what age I wanted to retire, it’s at what income.

Then there was the memorable farewell party hosted by the company. My colleagues generously presented me with a watch at a time when time is no longer of essence. It is time I stepped aside for  less experienced persons. I knew that I have made a graceful exit at the most appropriate time

As I have retired from work, but not from life, I need something to retire to, so one of these things I set out to do was writing a blog. Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial.

I knew that I was taking my days off from my days off. Retirement is a time to enjoy life!  A time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it. Retirement is wonderful. . . . . .  it’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

Life begins at retirement. The concept of freedom is never truly realized untl one settles into retirement mode. Although, I have been taking many laps in my retirement, retirement is not a time to sleep, but a time to awaken to the beauty of the world around you and the joy that comes when you cast out all the negative elements that cause confusion and turmoil in your mind and allows serenity to prevail. Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me. I never had the time before to notice the beauty of the lilies I love, the landscape and the tree outisde my own very window. . . . . . and the beauty of time itself.

A man cannot retire his experience, he must use it. So, I have been teaching, writing and using my previous experience as far as circumstances allow. I promise to keep on living as though I expected to live forever. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul!

PS  The above is just a compilation of many Retirement quotes by this Retiree; the use of the originators’ ( dead or alive) quotable quotes is deeply acknowledged. They include George Foreeman, Chi Chi Rodriguez, Mason Cooley, Catherine Pulsifer, M K Soni, Clarence Darrow, R C Sheriff, Hartman Jule, Henry Emerson Fosdick, Gene Perret, Douglas McArthur and Seneca.

Happiness Quotient

Are you happy?

Basically, we are as happy as we think we are. . . . .  the heart will always tell the truth.

Like the Buddha, we can sit under the Bodhi tree meditating what constitute peace and happiness. But as an engineer, I have been looking for something more mathematical.

Can we calculate happiness? Some say there is a Happiness Quotient. If R is Reality and E is our expectation then the quotient R/E is a subjective measure of our happiness.

Happiness =R/E

If  Reality exceeds Expectation, then we are happy.

We will increase our propensity for happiness, if we do not over expect. In fact, one of the Buddha’s teachings is that if  we can transcend to a level where we no longer have expectations, then  we will have eternal peace and happiness.

The quest for happiness is universal. In the last decade, BBC have been carrying out various surveys and  comprehensive investigation as to what constitutes happiness. These were covered in a six part series. One formula they propose was:

Happiness =P + (5 X E) + (3 X H)

P stands for Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience.

E stands for Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships and

H represents Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour.

I suppose the factor of 5 times on E asserts that health, financial stability and friendships have, as a group, the biggest influence on happiness.

Happiness may only be a by-product; it may be difficult to get everybody agree to a single formula. Dr. Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, came up with a different formula:

Happiness = S + C + V

S is your biological set point.

C and V refer to two different kinds of “externals”.

C,  the conditions of your life and V, the voluntary activities that you undertake.

Some of the conditions cannot be changed (sex, race, age, disability) while others (such as  marital status, wealth, where you live) may change with time. As time goes by, the realities of these factors may differ from your expectations or they just remain constant so  they disappear from your mental awareness.

Voluntary activities are things that you choose and like to do in the first place.  They may include doing charity work, learning new skills, meditation, taking on new hobbies or taking a travelling vacation.  These chosen activities will take conscious effort and attention, as such they can’t just vanish from your awareness the way that conditions can. These activities, therefore, offer much greater promise for longer term happiness.

Maybe the formulae are still simplistic and will not hold true for all the time, just as the Relativity theory of Einstein has to give way to other more embodying concepts. Although the above are presented as equations, I doubt whether they can be quantified and whether they have included all the main factors / variables. Nonetheless, these handy formulae will keep us mindful of not having too high expectation (something which we have some degree of control), don’t be bogged down by set or historical factors (something which we cannot do much about) and  don’t shy away from taking voluntary activities (something entirely under our control).

Quoting from Bette Davis, “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”

Life Calculation

I didn’t know that you can estimate how long you will live by answering some questions on the internet.

I was curious and surfed on the web for Life Calculation. The questions they asked range from physical data, medical condition, diet habit, exercise habit, reaction to stress etc.

After responding to the question and at the press of a button, lo and behold, a number comes up which is the age you are expected to go to heaven.

I suppose you can test the sensitivity of the result by giving different answers to the questions and see what numbers they come up with. How amazing!

However, this number opened a Pandora box.

I pondered for a moment what this number mean to me. Would I actually live to that age? Is it accurate? If it is accurate, should I change my  life style now? Should I be more active? Should I laze around just a little longer? Should I spend my money quicker or slower? Should I change my relationship with others now?

Is it better not to know about this so that you can treat each day as your last day ( re Steve Jobs) so that you live fully every moment of your life ?. . . . . . . . . . . . . .food for thought as we enter into (the year of ) the Dragon.

Yesterday When I was Young

I have been listening to this haunting and truthful song Yesterday When I was Young since my youth. This song, originally known as Hier Encore (Yesterday Again) in French, was released in 1961. I am so glad that I have been listening to it since I was young so that I was aware of the many pitfalls of life before time quickly passed away. The lyrics, which are reproduced below, deserve a good read:

Yesterday when I was young The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue, I teased at life as if it were a foolish game The way an evening breeze would tease a candle flame. The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned I always built to last on weak and shifting sand, I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day And only now I see how the years have run away.

Yesterday when I was young There were so many songs that waited to be sung, So many wild pleasures that lay in store for me And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see, I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out and I never stopped to think what life was all about, And every conversation that I can recall Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all.

Yesterday the moon was blue And every crazy day brought something new to do, And I used my magic age as if it were a wand And never saw the waste and emptiness beyond, The game of love I played with arrogance and pride And every flame I lit so quickly, quickly died The friends I made all seemed, somehow, to drift away And only I am left on stage to end the play.

Yesterday when I was young There were so many songs that waited to be sung, So many wild pleasures lay in store for me And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see, There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung Cause I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue And the time has come for me to pay for yesterday When I was young.

I am glad that I have not acted with arrogance and pride nor have I always build to last on weak and  shifting sand ( how dare I, as a civil engineer!)

Listening to it now, one must come to terms that time has quickly passed away and we are no longer youthful. However, there are positive messages from this song. . . . . we should not be fear of aging. One is only old when one’s regrets begin to take the place of one’s dreams. We must therefore take each day as a gift and treasure the present moments, as NOW is the essence.

This song was first sung by the American-French singer Charles Aznavour and later covered by many singers. The singer covering this song whom I like best is Dusty Springfield  DUSTY SPRINGFIELD ~ Yesterday When I was Young ~.wmv .

Those who prefer a male soulful voice is invited to listen to the original singer Charles Aznavour “Yesterday When I Was Young”